She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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