I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
