Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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