Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
