i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
