$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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