Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
