So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
