Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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