Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So squirting runs in the family.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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