Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
