hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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