he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
