An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
send nudes
from the living room?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
