Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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