Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
