It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You're like the curious george of whores
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
