She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
