Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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