Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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