he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
