pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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