Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
