I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you win again, gameday.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
