let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
