the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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