Your mouth is God's brothel.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
