1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
