And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
