he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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