I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
