We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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