i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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