these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
