I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
