How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
