i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
