no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I can't put those talents on a resume
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
