Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
