it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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