Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
