haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
