Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
where are my eyebrows?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
