READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
