Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
