Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
