I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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