its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
