Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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