enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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