i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
