My hand turned me down
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
